Best Indian Jokes in English, Sms Jokes

Indian Prime Minister: We are sending Indians to the moon next year!
US President: Wow! How many?
Indian Prime Minister: 7 OBC, 5 SC, 8 ST, 3 Handicapped, 2 Sports Persons, 3 Terrorist Affected, 3 Kashmiri Migrants, 2 MPs & 1 Astronaut.

Wedding Jokes Marriage Jokes

Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, clean ing home and washing clothes.

Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.

Funny Clean Jokes, Sweet sms

Funny Sharma was filling up application form for a job. 
He was not sure what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".

After much thought he wrote: YES

Jokes for Kids Jokes

A dog thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house, and take good care of me... They must be gods!

A cat thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house and take good care of me...
I must be a god!

Very Funny Jokes, Sweet SMS

My sweet girlfriend had habit of biting her fingernails. She started doing YOGA to treat the problem. Soon her finger-nails started growing normally.
Seeing this, I asked if yoga had totally cured her problem.
"No," she replied with a funny sweet smile, "but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead."

Sweet SMS, Funny Yoga Jokes

Yoga teacher to a woman: Has yoga any effect over your husband’s drinking habit?

Woman: Yes, An Amazing Funny Effect !! Now he drinks the whole bottle standing upside down over his head.

Best Jokes for Kids Jokes

Santa has to sell his dog. Banta wants to buy it.

Banta: Is this dog faithful ?

Santa: Yes, I have sold it 3 times earlier also. It is so faithful, everytime it returned back to me.

Funny Girl Jokes

A Very Funny beautiful girl was a college student.
Once Very Funny Girl comes late to class.
Teacher: Why are you late?

Very Funny Girl : One boy was following me, sir.
Teacher: So, What?

Very Funny Girl : That boy was walking very slow.

How to catch a lion

 Newton 's Method:
Let, the lion catch you.
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Implies you caught lion.

Einstein Method:

Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.
Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.
Now you can trap it easily.

Software Engineer Method:

Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.
If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.

Indian Police Method
Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion .

Rajnikanth Method :

Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.
The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.

Jayalalitha Method:

Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping !

Manirathnam Method (director):

Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark
room with a single candle lighted.
Keep murmuring something in its ears.
The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.

Karan Johar Method (director):

Send a lioness into the forest.
Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.
Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.
First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness.
But 2nd lioness loves both lions.
Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.
You don't understand right... it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!

Yash Chopra method (director):

Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.

Govinda method:

Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.

Menaka Gandhi method:

Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.

George bush method:

Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!

Ravi Shastri method:

Ask the lion to bowl at u.
U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run
Lion tired and surrenders

Scenario in various parts of India

Ever observed this ..while in Mumbai ..Delhi ..and so on on

Scenario 1

Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and they start arguing about who's right. You are in Kolkata


Scenario 2

Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on. That's Mumbai


Scenario 3

Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & tries to make peace. The first two get together & beat him up. That's Delhi


Scenario 4

Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly opens a chai-stall. That's Ahmedabad.


Scenario 5

Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes he writes a software program to stop the fight. But the fight doesn't stop b'cos of a bug in the program. That's Bangalore


Scenario 6

Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this nonsense. Peace comes in. That's Chennai.


Scenario 7

Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their friends on mobile. Now 50 guys are fighting. You are DEFINITELY IN HARYANA

English Joke

Girlfriend to Boyfriend: Now it is time we should marry. 
Boyfriend: That's ok, but who will marry us.

Sardar Jokes

A Sardar Doctor and Pundit loved same girl.
Pundit started giving an apple to the girl everyday.
Sardar Doctor asked: WHY ??
Pundit: An apple a day keeps the doctor away!
Make Your Friends Smile

SantaBanta Jokes

Santa: So, you are distantly related to the family next door, are you?

Banta: Yes, their dog is our dog's brother.

Funny Paki Jokes

American Girl: When my grandfather died he left 10 million dollars.

Indian Girl: When my grandfather died he left 20 million dollars.

Pakistani Girl: That’s nothing, When my grandfather died he left the whole world.

Pakistani Jokes Urdu Jokes

Three life insurance salesmen of different countries were having a chat.

Pakistani: When a man died, we processed the claim and delivered the check within 24 hours.

Indian: When a man died, we delivered a check the same evening.

American: That’s nothing. Our office is on the 20th floor of the WTC building. A man was working on the 50th floor. He slipped and fell. We handed him his check as he passed our floor!


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